When It Feels Like Your Wedding is Falling Apart

Quarantines, Bans, Stay at Home Orders—all of these words have plagued the last few weeks of our lives. We keep thinking, “it can’t get worse…”, and then it does. For brides and grooms, it all feels hopeless. It’s frustrating and full of SO many questions. What do you do? Do you reschedule? Do you cancel altogether? Your family is asking a million questions, your vendors are asking a million questions. You’re probably quarantined at home and have all the time in the world to plan, but no motivation to do so. No one understands, because no one has ever had to walk this same road. It is overwhelming and tiring, but you don’t really know why.

Every day, I talk to dozens of brides and grooms who are facing these next few months of what to do. They’re understandably angry and feel like they have been dealt an unfair lot, which I totally sympathize with.

Planning a wedding in this time of uncertainty might be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to face. But I can promise you this: the calmer and more gracious you are throughout the process, the better the entire thing will go for you!

My first tip for what to do when it feels like your wedding is falling apart:

BE KIND— to family, friends, vendors, your significant other and to yourself.

Please remember that EVERYONE is walking this road with you. EVERYONE has never faced anything like this before and they are doing their best to handle it. Remember that all of the people asking questions, making it difficult on you, having their “opinions”; they are all people and they are all doing their best with the trauma that is COVID-19. Please also remember that your significant other is in this WITH you. They are doing their best to walk alongside you and help you make difficult decisions. Plus, you’re probably confined in a small space with them and that’s A LOT to handle, right before marriage. Use this time to grow closer together and don’t let the stress of it all drive you apart. And lastly, don’t forget to be kind to yourself. You might have a massive list of things to “get done”, but you also have all the time in the world to do it right now (thanks COVID).

Rest, if you can. Sit outside and drink your morning coffee. Journal about what you’re feeling with having to reschedule/cancel your plans. It’s important to process what is happening. It’s important to validate your own feelings of loss. You are dealing with a strange form of trauma that no one else in their entire lives will probably ever have to deal with. If you had to reschedule your wedding date, take your significant other on a special outing to the mountains or do a fun takeout meal to eat in your home on the intended day of your wedding. Do what you can to commemorate the day that would have been. It will provide closure and help you move on to the next stage of planning your new event.

Step 2: Don’t cancel on your vendors!

I have stressed this to all of my couples, but it can be said again to the public. YOUR VENDORS DEPEND ON YOUR BOOKING FOR THIS DIFFICULT SEASON! Every vendor that you booked is counting on your final payments to carry them through these next few months. They are counting on you to keep them as part of your team (if you are rescheduling). Please, do not ask for refunds. Please, do not tell vendors they are terrible people if they can’t refund you. They are doing their best to keep their small businesses going, to feed their families and pay their bills. Every cancelation they receive is one less step in the right direction. Every refund request they receive is two entire steps backwards. THOUSANDS of small businesses will close their doors for good during this economic upheaval. Do all you can to not be a part of that. Continue to support your local businesses and do all you can to keep your vendor teams together, even if it’s for a later date. Offer to pay your final payments early, if you are in a position to do so. This can save businesses. You might not think your one payment can make a difference, but it 100% can. Many vendors are offering discounts for couples that pay off their remaining balances or pay in cash. Take advantage of this and help the small businesses in the process!

Obviously, there are exceptions to every situation. But do your absolute best to secure a new date that all of your vendors can be a part of. If you decided to cancel, ask what their credit policy is (for a future event) rather than asking for a refund. Vendors WANT to work with you and they want you to be happy! Help them help you!

3rd Suggestion: Communicate to your Family and Friends.

Send out an email or letter letting them know that you are rescheduling. Let them know that you love them and appreciate their support during this time. Ask them to please respect the hard situation you are going through and to do their best not to send you questions or thoughts on the situation. Let them know that it is okay to be afraid of traveling or attending a large event and if they aren’t comfortable doing so, to please let you know so that you can remove them from future updates. Sometimes, people don’t want to disappoint you, so they will do something that is uncomfortable for them to show their support. Give them an "out" and let them know that you still love them and know that they will support you from afar.

This can also help cut down your guest list and make your catering and alcohol bill a bit more approachable!

Tip #4: Check in with your big companies and see if you can get stuff redone, free of charge.

If you got your invitations done already by Shutterfly or a similar company, reach out about a reprint. Many of them will honor this, due to the situation, and reprint free of charge. If you already got your ABC license for your event, reach out immediately and get it changed to your new date.

Last Tip: Remember to be Thankful!

This seems cheesy and constantly reiterated, but it's important. In difficult seasons like this, it is easy to get depressed, angry and turn into a Negative Nancy. Ultimately, you deserve to do all of that, because of your situation. But choose joy! Choose to thank your mom for asking one million questions, because it means she cares and is trying to be there for you. Choose to thank your significant other for being your teammate in all of this. Choose to thank your vendors for doing all they can to help you. Choose to be grateful for a home to be confined to. Choose to be thankful that you have found someone that you GET to spend forever with and that you GET to marry. Many people will never find that or have that.

Choose to be unphased by all of this. Yes, it is overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be consuming. Be the person that your friends and family look at and say, “I don’t know how they’re doing this so gracefully!”

And that starts with doing the hard thing and choosing to be happy in the midst of chaos. I believe in you. Your family and friends believe in you. Your vendors believe in you. And most importantly, Tiger King believes in you.